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shoujo-goddess:

owlmylove:

during a quidditch game the Ravenclaw announcer narrates “and the seeker’s taking a dive, he’s turning down, can he-” before a muggleborn darts in and yells “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT” into the mic and every muggleborn in the entire arena loses their minds

"oh an excellent-" another muggleborn grabs the mic and yells "SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOT SHOT SHOTS! EVERYBODY!!" and there is no hope of recovering the crowd of dancing muggleborns after that

  • (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)

  • Angry Customer:

    “Damn f**s.”

  • Gay Man:

    “Excuse me?”

  • Angry Customer:

    “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”

  • Gay Man:

    *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”

  • Angry Customer:

    “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”

  • (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)

  • Angry Customer:

    *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”

  • (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)

  • Owner:

    “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”

  • Wife:

    “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”

  • Owner:

    “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”

  • (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

the-goddamazon:

pardonmewhileipanic:

red3blog:

pardonmewhileipanic:

notcuddles:

nesft:

Crow: CROW YES!

It’s actually impossible to measure how many fucks a corvid give because there is no device sensitive enough to register such a tiny amount.

science/animal side of tumblr… explain to me the birb thing

Tail Pulling is a behavior noted in many corvids. The practical application is to create a distraction that will allow the birb to make off with the target’s food. Imagine being in the lunch room and a large fellow has a Twinkie you covet. You can’t just take it from him because he’ll defend his Twinkie. But if you thwap him on the back of his neck and then dash around to snag the Twinkie while he investigates, you stand a decent chance of enjoying spongey goodness. This is basically that in birb form.

Except corvids don’t only do this as a distraction. Sometimes they seem to just being doing it to mess with other animals/birbs. But to use my lunch room analogy, there are times you might thwap someone sneakily on the back of the neck just for amusement. Primates exhibit behavior that appears to be just be annoying other animals for amusement. Given how intelligent crows are, its not unlikely that this is a manifestation of an innate desire to just fuck with someone else for the fun of it. Such as this from the link above:

THANK YOU FOR THE BIRB KNOWLEDGE

Lmfaooooo assholes

(Source: yinqors)

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